129

Today was the day that's been dreaded all year. Unbelievable that it was one year ago that Brian was taken from us. The same question lingers; why? I'll never know the reason, but I'll always know it's not fair. It's not fair for everyone involved, but especially my sister. She didn't deserve this and I'll never know what it's like to live in her sorrow. She's spent this past year in the most pain of her life and I don't think it's fair that she has to endure that. I guess, now that Remy is here and growing up so fast, that I'm mostly sad for her now. She'll never experience what a great guy he was, only what we tell her, pictures we show her, stories relayed to her. The one thing that I feel lucky about is that she's 50% Brian. And if that's all we can get now, then I'll take it and I'll relish it.



Also today, we celebrated Audrey's 5th birthday at her grandpa's beach property in Lakebay, in the Key Peninsula. My kids were able to go out in the morning with my Aunt Kathy (Audrey's grandma) and we joined them later. When we arrived, Mazie was busy swimming in her jeans and a fleece. The tide was in, so the kids were able to swing out over the water on the rope swing. They had a blast and it was difficult to implore them to leave. Hopefully we'll be invited back and I'll be more prepared with the appropriate swimming attire...

128

Today, Mazie was invited to her cousin Audrey's tea party today at Audrey's Grammie's house. I had to drop her off and leave because I had a PTA thing I had to attend, but she was very excited to dress up for the party. They had mini cupcakes, mini sandwiches and drank from mini teacups and saucers. I think she had a good time, especially since she won a prize from a bingo game and came home with a kick-butt treat bag.

Everything seems to taste better when it's in mini version too.



8:48 on August 28th. This marks the last time I heard Brian's voice through the phone.

Oftentimes, I would call Kelby after 9:00pm. Brian used to act like the big man of the house and he would screen my calls after 9pm. He used to grill me about why I was calling and then act like he was reluctantly giving Kelby the phone. When Kelby and I would commence our conversation, he would turn up the TV, suddenly need to hammer something or try to third-party join in on the conversation by chiming in on whatever Kelby was saying. Usually, he fell asleep during our phone time and Kelby would laugh at some of his slumber antics. It usually involved talking in his sleep or some kind of random hand movements, but most times it was snoring.

When I called last year at 8:48, Brian yelled in the background, "You got 12 minutes!!".

Ever since that night, I really wish I would've called after 9pm, like I usually do, then I could've talked to him...one last time.

127

So, on our last trip to the Earle's, Judy loaded me up with some baby stuff for us to use at our house for Remy. This high chair is awesome! It attaches to the top of the dining room chair instead of storing a high chair on the floor.

Well, Mazie took it upon herself to set up Teddy Cat in the chair. That purple thing in her hand is a bubble fan. You dip it in bubble solution, push the button and a gazillion bubbles blow out nearly effortlessly. Well, Mazie was using it to blow the pretend food off. I just thought it was hilarious. Teddy Cat has really been reaping all the rewards of Judy's generosity...

Since the news of yesterday, Mazie has been struggling with how to relate that to her own life. For 2 nights now, she's been crying herself to sleep thinking that I am suddenly going to die. Last night she couldn't fall asleep and she woke up after having a nightmare. I woke up with her in my bed this morning. She was terrified earlier tonight when I went swimming. She called me several times and needed reassurance of when I would be coming home. She thought I might drown in the pool. Then, when I called and told her I was stopping at Winco afterward, she asked how long until I was home. I told her 30 minutes or so. When I got home, she had been crying and said she thought I was in a crash because it was past 30 minutes (only 10 minutes or so).

I know this is related to the news of Marge's passing. I never thought I would need to address this type of behavior with Mazie because she doesn't remember meeting Mike's mom. I realize it's a scary notion to think your mom will die suddenly.

I guess we'll have to take a trip to the library.

126

Alas, there is no picture today or from yesterday either.

Today, about 2:40, Mike's mom, Marge, passed away. They decided to take her off life support around 2:30. I am thankful that her passing was quick as it helped to justify the agonizing decision her husband and sons had to make. Mike said he knew it was time after he took a peek under one eyelid and did not find his mom there. Coincidentally, today is Mike's partner Chris' birthday.

Marge was one of a kind. She was always very well put together, with make-up, outfits with matching shoes and matching jewelry. She raised 3 boys, with Mike being the baby. She used to pick him up from 7th grade lunch and take him to a restaurant to eat without caring if she got him back to school on time. She was a sharp wit and never took any shit from anyone. I guess that's what years of raising boys did to you.

Marge loved her sewing machine, QVC, cigarettes and restaurant food. I will never forget you Marge and thank you for bringing Mike into our lives. I hope that you are finally pain free and able to relax. You were able to bring your family together and I'm pretty sure that's what you always wanted.

Tell Brian we miss him and love him.

125

Would you steal on this road? Not after this warning, I bet.

I wonder, though, is the sign poster constantly on point looking for thievery?

This is the sign that marks the side of the road near my friend Mike's parents' house in Yakima. I went there today to be with Mike and his family. Mike's mom is in the hospital and very sick. She went in Friday before last and was diagnosed with necrotizing pancreatitis; a very serious illness, but usually treatable. Since her pancreas is in dire condition, her other organs are currently in a state of 'sympathy', meaning the other organs reduce their function in order to heal the sick organ. Unfortunately, this also affects her lung function and she was intubated and attached to a machine in order to help her breathe. Upon further exams, they have found that she has tumors on her liver and ovary. They've also discovered that she has had 3 strokes since being at the hospital. At the moment, she's in a coma and completely unresponsive to any stimuli.

As a family, they have decided to sleep on the news they received today and save any major decisions for the morning. I think they have decided to take her off life support either tomorrow or Wednesday.

I'm glad I went today. I was able to be there with Mike and Chris while we went and said goodbyes to Marge. Marge has had a long history with chronic pain and her quality of life has been diminished while she was treated for that condition with a massive amount of painkillers. Marge is finally resting comfortably and out of the pain that has consumed her life for at least the last 10 years.

It was very hard to watch Mike's heart breaking right in front of me.

124

Today, Jack and I went with my mom and dad to the Seahawks game. Kelby and Brian have season passes and this year (after waiting for 3 years) my dad was able to get tickets also. This was a pre-season game against the Denver Broncos.

Now, I admit, I don't know much about football, which is why I like to go to the games with Kelby. She knows as much about the game as the most fanatical guy, so she's able to explain things to me when I ask her. My dad either acts like he doesn't hear me or explains it like I should already know. Jack isn't exactly a wealth of knowledge either.

One of the things Brian loved to do every year in his duties as an employee of Berg Scaffolding was to set up the bleachers near the 12th Man flag and Seahawk's drum team stage. Once again, the Seahawk's contracted Berg Scaffolding to set up the bleachers this year, but I hear that it was demanded by the organization that the bleacher set-up be done by Brian's birthday. What an awesome thing... And here's the picture of the Berg label on the bleachers from this evening..

123

Something I had not made in a while sounded really yummy for dinner; Jason's mom's version of lumpia.

I think the way she makes it is just a white people's version of lumpia (generally Philippine egg rolls), but I don't care. It's yummy and worth all the work. I made ours the way she does, with ground pork, shredded carrots, shredded cabbage and soy sauce...yum!

122

Today was a nice day, so we went to the Earle's to swim in their pool. This was an event that we had pre-planned while camping, but it was on a night that we were having some adult beverages. I'm glad all plans went as planned, because my kids sure have a blast at the Earle house.

It was really fortunate that Judy and I were able to, once again, enjoy some adult beverages. We had mixed drinks that consisted of Banana Colada Fuze juice and Malibu Banana Rum. They went down too easy!

The picture is of Jack sitting with his friend Bryson. Sometimes, it's difficult to tell the two boys apart when they're playing...especially when you're on the Banana Fuze...

121

Ok, so this isn't the best quality video coming from my cell phone (not sure if it will work).

I bought this contraption at a church garage sale for a buck. Remy is in this leg bouncing phase of her development and she spends a lot of time jumping up and down on your stomach, legs, wherever it's uncomfortable, etc...

Who knew she'd like this? She bounced in this thing for pretty much an hour...

Kelb - hope you're feeling better after the fender-bender today...

120

At last...the last morning of our 9 day camping trip.

Here's the dirty feet of a certain 6 year old, sleeping in while packing up was going on around her.

So glad to be home.

119

Proof that not everything for sale at a yard sale should be purchased, here is Jason, posing proudly in the wet suit my parents picked-up at a yard sale in Shelton that morning.

Yeah, those are scuba Nikes.

118

This is a friend of the family, Ernie.

When Ernie and his wife Tina signed-up to go camping with us, we didn't know this was their first camping trip as a family. Before the trip got started, I wondered how Ernie would pack his stuff and bring it camping as they only own smallish cars and I knew they weren't bringing a travel trailer.

When they arrived with this giant utility trailer packed with their things, I was totally shocked.

Ernie is a grown man, but has a penchant for toys that makes the 5 to 18 crowd envious. He's invested many a dollar in R/C vehicles - monster trucks, cars, boats, sea doos...you name it; he could probably control it remotely. He was so generous with his toys and the kids at the campground; even kids that weren't camping with us. At night, Ernie would break out the projector and the kids would watch movies on a large white sheet right out in the open. After the movie, he would break out the PS3 and play games with the older kids. He brought a couple of electric scooters too. Not just your run-of-the-mill scooters either. These were engineered by Ernie to be super-scooters. The yellow one could go at least 45, if not faster.

Ernie is a stud.

I love this picture of him as he proudly slapped the tent porta-potty in the back of the trailer that's connected to his BMW.

He and his family were such troopers - even in the rain. Did I mention that they are gourmet cooks too? Tri-tip steaks for breakfast or chorizo, egg and potato breakfast burritos. For the dinner they made for everyone? Rosemary pork loin barbecued on the Weber.

We hope they come back next year.

117

Despite the coldish weather, we decided that we'd brave the elements and stubbornly go to the beach.

Mazie was determined to ride the Sea Doos and Jack was so excited to ride his bike through the water...

116

Heeeeeeeeere's Cindy!

Mom celebrated her 27th birthday at Cushman this year. Here she is, pictured with a keg cup of chardonnay and some one of a kind shell jewelry created by her great-niece Audrey (headband originally intended as a necklace) and granddaughter Mazie (bracelet). She also received a hand-painted rock from Audrey.

We made her some pina coladas and kept her toasty warm by the fire. I think she had as fun a time as possible on her birthday...

115

My Grandma Kay celebrated her 89th birthday with us at Lake Cushman. While she was quite worried about the status of her hair, I think she looks fab for 89. Still a firecracker and highly opinionated, she didn't adhere to the guidelines of 'Couth at Any Age' and had us raising our eyebrows frequently.

Here she is reading 'I Wish That I Had Duck Feet' to little Remy. This is the book she's read to every grandchild with a fervor that I'm sure the author never intended. I love to hear my grandma read this book and it brings back a gazillion memories when she cracks that opening line, "I wish that I had duck feet...and I can tell ya why..."

114

While the week before Lake Cushman was laying down impressive numbers in the temperature department, Mother Nature was on hiatus or giving us all a break for Cushman week. I'm not sure we made it above 65 the whole week.

This temperature fluctuation caused Mazie to don a layered gypsy look and polka dot rubber boots. I wish I could get away with such fashion...

113

Lake Cushman from the swimming area with the cell phone. I was trying desperately to get a few bars of service, couldn't do it, so I took this picture as a consolation. Turns out I had to ride my adult tricycle to the boat ramp for some bars, which was ok...

112

Sometimes, good things come out of a bottle....

We started our first evening at Lake Cushman with 'real' pina coladas. I just don't like the flavor of the mix in a bottle, so we started making them with cans of coconut creme and pineapple nectar. Oh, and let us not forget the Malibu Coconut Rum. Blend in a few chunks of fresh pineapple and you've got a little vacation in a Subway cup.

111

Going out to the garage this evening, this is what greeted me as I stepped across the threshold. I squealed as any woman would do. Jason came running, thinking it was a rodent in the garage. The spider scurried over to a shadow under the bicycle tire and Jason grabbed the can of Hot Shot to take the offender out. This titan of a spider would not die no matter how much kill juice we sprayed on it. He kept crawling toward us and into other spots where we ushered him back out and waited patiently for him to take his last, creepy steps. At last, he folded in all of his legs and stopped.

We immediately set out to take a picture and Jason coaxed his legs out straight again with some screws before rigor set in. I randomly had a quarter in my pocket, so we threw it down for size reference. Then Jason decided that we needed a tape measure too. You can see, the spider's legs spanned 2 inches in his relaxed position. He was much larger as he was casually walking toward me; owning the garage.

Not satisfied with a faraway view, Jason scraped him up on a putty knife and got the flashlight out for closer inspection. Thank goodness for the macro feature on the camera, which allowed us to get the following shot, which proves that the term, 'big, hairy spider' rings true in this case.

110

A clean, out of the bath baby...there aren't many
things that smell finer.

She looks like a diva in a terry fur coat...

109

I give up.

Why can't I just come to terms with the fact that I don't have one of those heads or faces for hats? I see people wearing cute ball caps or sun hats and I'm envious. I wish I could really get away with wearing a hat. I feel like I need to wear one; it would sure help keep the sun out of my eyes and keep me from squinting like Clint Eastwood.

I found this Amy Butler pattern last year and was going to make a hat then, but held off and didn't. Today, I got a wild hair up my ass and decided to make one. I had all the supplies on hand already from my years of hoarding fabric and tablecloths. This particular table cloth I had already cut into about 4 years ago to make a curtain for a vintage kitchen set the kids had. So, I thought, what the hell - I'll use it. The liner for the hat is a vintage inspired turquoise polka dot print.

I pretty much spent most of the day working on it here and there. I am terrible at using patterns. I'm better at making quilts that are a little more forgiving. So, I think the hat looks pretty cool and I spent a lot of time on it.

The only thing is, I look like a total dork in it. I'm gonna wear it anyway.

108

Jack's boogie board went kaput this past week. He's been interested in a wooden skimboard for some time now. Well, over the weekend, wouldn't you know, Big 5 had them on sale for $20. We went to our local Big 5 and (shocker!) they were 'out of stock, but had these more expensive boards'. From spending many hours at malls and department stores with my Grandma Kay, I knew this was a classic case of bait and switch. And I gave them the what-for. They politely offered to call some other stores and I let them do it. They happened to find one at their Tacoma store and they put it on hold for me. I was happy. They were happy to get me out of their store.

When we got there and examined the board, it seemed as though the board had been a display or possibly used. The store manager insisted that it 'came off the truck that way'. Right. I asked when they might be getting more in and could they hold one from the next shipment. Sure he says, but if I take the less than perfect board in my hands, he'll give me 25% off. I could see Jack watching the whole conversation in my peripheral vision. I agreed and also bought some wax. I was happy. They were happy to get me out of their store.

Jason had an epiphany today and decided to build Jack a runway of sorts with some tarps and pipe from work. We turned on the water and Jack spent 2 hours skimming back and forth on this 18 foot slip n' slide.

Everyone is happy!

107

Still recovering today from yesterday. I can't believe how many muscles in my body are aching. Even the muscles on the tops of my feet hurt and getting up from any position is a challenge. I walk around my house in a hobbled fashion, but it's the only way to go right now...

Tonight, we were invited by our neighbor, Ken, to his house to watch a movie. He had a lightbulb moment earlier in the day and remembered that he had a projector. He hung a sheet on the side of his house and invited all the neighbors over to watch Transformers. Ken thought it would be a good idea to get all of us together. We're the new neighbors, so he wanted his wife and his brother-in-law's girlfriend to get to know me as well. Ken actually used the term 'anti-social'. I was aghast with the notion that I was viewed as being anti-social. I really want Jason to have the friendship there, so I do my best to stay out of the way. I thought I was being respectful, not anti-social. Hrmph.

Regardless of my social standing on 15th, we lined-up our chairs and blankets on the lawn, took off our shoes and enjoyed the 'Side of the House Cinema'. My kids would love to spend the rest of their life at the houses across the street, so they were really pumped to go.

I brought along a frosty mug full of coconut rum and Diet Coke and nearly made my way through the whole glass, until Ken's dog Sasha helped herself to the rest of my drink. I imagine Sasha is sleeping quite well right now - I wonder if she'll have a hangover.

106

This was my view during the foggy morning on the east-bound Narrows Bridge. I spent many nights leading up to this point with my stomach doing flip-flops, general anxiety, sleeplessness and diarrhea. I'm not sure if the fog was a blessing or a curse. I was terrified to walk over this bridge and it was almost the deal-breaker for the half marathon today.

Luckily, Annie stepped-up and said she would walk with me, if only to get my butt over the bridge. Somewhere in the middle of the bridge was a 5k marker. It was unbelievable that we had gone that far already. We continued and made it over the bridge. I only got woozy a couple of times when I looked over the rail to the water below and looked up at the crazy height of the stanchions. So, when my brain said don't do that anymore, I looked at the pavement in front of me and made it over the bridge. Annie was there to provide nonstop conversation, which was a real help. I am indebted to my free psychotherapist.

Mile after mile, Annie and I trudged along the course. Jason, Kelby, Jen, Trever, Mary and Sarah were far ahead of us because they were runners. At just about every mile, I did a small dance, we knuckle-bumped and then decided how far we would continue.



When we reached the 10 mile marker, we figured out that we still had an hour to finish the 3.1 miles, so we went for it and decided to finish. We finished the whole course in 4 hours, 11 minutes. But, who cares about the time. The best thing is that we finished the course when our initial goal was only to make it halfway. Oh, and the turquoise and pink women we trailed behind on the bridge and for the majority of the course? Well, we decided to surpass them at the end and we did. Kick butt.

What a journey...